‘I’m afraid the Weighing Room, our relaxed dining area, is being refurbished
right now, but there are stalls along the stands where you can get something to
eat.’ She saw my face fall, and added, ‘The Pig In A Poke is pretty good. You get
a hog roast in a bun. They do apple sauce too.’
‘A stall.’
‘Yes.’
I leant in towards her. ‘Please,’ I said. ‘We’ve come a long way, and my friend
there isn’t good in the cold. Is there any way at all that we could get a table in
here? We just really need to get him into the warm. It’s really important that he
has a good day.’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘I’m really sorry,’ she said. ‘It’s more than my job’s
worth to override the rules. But there is a disabled seating area downstairs that
you can shut the doors on. You can’t see the course from there, but it’s quite
snug. It’s got heaters and everything. You could eat in there.’
I stared at her. I could feel the tension creeping upwards from my shins. I
thought I might have gone completely rigid.
I studied her name badge. ‘Sharon,’ I said. ‘You haven’t even begun to fill
your tables. Surely it would be better to have more people eating than leaving
half these tables empty? Just because of some arcane class-based regulation in a
rule book?’
Her smile glinted under the recessed lighting. ‘Madam, I have explained the
situation to you. If we relaxed the rules for you, we’d have to do it for everyone.’
‘But it makes no sense,’ I said. ‘It’s a wet Monday lunchtime. You have empty
tables. We want to buy a meal. A properly expensive meal, with napkins and
everything. We don’t want to eat pork rolls and sit in a cloakroom with no view,
no matter how snug.’
Other diners had begun to turn in their seats, curious about the altercation by
the door. I could see Will looking embarrassed now. He and Nathan had worked
out something was going wrong.
‘Then I’m afraid you should have bought a Premier Area badge.’
‘Okay.’ I reached for my handbag, and began to rifle through, searching for
my purse. ‘How much is a Premier Area badge?’ Tissues, old bus tickets and one
of Thomas’s Hot Wheels toy cars flew out. I no longer cared. I was going to get
Will his posh lunch in a restaurant. ‘Here. How much? Another ten? Twenty?’ I
thrust a fistful of notes at her.
She looked down at my hand. ‘I’m sorry, Madam, we don’t sell badges here.
This is a restaurant. You’ll have to go back to the ticket office.’
‘The one that’s all the way over the other side of the racecourse.’
‘Yes.’
We stared at each other.
Will’s voice broke in. ‘Louisa, let’s go.’
I felt my eyes suddenly brim with tears. ‘No,’ I said. ‘This is ridiculous. We’ve
come all this way. You stay here and I’ll go and get us all Premier Area badges.
And then we will have our meal.’
‘Louisa, I’m not hungry.’
‘We’ll be fine once we’ve eaten. We can watch the horses and everything. It
will be fine.’
Nathan stepped forward and laid a hand on my arm. ‘Louisa, I think Will
really just wants to go home.’
We were now the focus of the whole restaurant. The gaze of the diners swept
over us and travelled past me to Will, where they clouded with faint pity or
distaste. I felt that for him. I felt like an utter failure. I looked up at the woman,
who did at least have the grace to look slightly embarrassed now that Will had
actually spoken.
‘Well, thank you,’ I said to her. ‘Thanks for being so fucking accommodating.’
‘Clark -’ Will’s voice carried a warning.
‘So glad that you are so flexible. I’ll certainly recommend you to everyone I
know.’
‘Louisa!’
I grabbed my bag and thrust it under my arm.
‘You’ve forgotten your little car,’ she called, as I swept through the door that
Nathan held open for me.
‘Why, does that need a bloody badge too?’ I said, and followed them into the
lift.
We descended in silence. I spent most of the short lift journey trying to stop
my hands from shaking with rage.
When we reached the bottom concourse, Nathan murmured, ‘I think we
should probably get something from one of these stalls, you know. It’s been a
few hours now since we ate anything.’ He glanced down at Will, so I knew who
it was he was really referring to.
Tine,’ I said, brightly. I took a little breath. ‘I love a bit of crackling. Let’s go
to the old hog roast.’
We ordered three buns with pork, crackling and apple sauce, and sheltered
under the striped awning while we ate them. I sat down on a small dustbin, so
that I could be at the same level as Will, and helped him to manageable bites of
meat, shredding it with my fingers where necessary. The two women who served
behind the counter pretended not to look at us. I could see them monitoring Will
out of the corners of their eyes, periodically muttering to each other when they
thought we weren’t looking. Poor man, I could practically hear them saying.
What a terrible way to live. I gave them a hard stare, daring them to look at him
like that. I tried not to think too hard about what Will must be feeling.
The rain had stopped, but the windswept course felt suddenly bleak, its brown
and green surface littered with discarded betting slips, its horizon flat and empty.
The car park had thinned out with the rain, and in the distance we could just hear
the distorted sound of the tannoy as some other race thundered past.
‘I think maybe we should head back,’ Nathan said, wiping his mouth. T mean,
it was nice and all, but best to miss the traffic, eh?’
Tine,’ I said. I screwed up my paper napkin, and threw it into the bin. Will
waved away the last third of his roll.
‘Didn’t he like it?’ said the woman, as Nathan began to wheel him away
across the grass.
‘I don’t know. Perhaps he would have liked it better if it hadn’t come with a
side order of rubberneck,’ I said, and chucked the remnants hard into the bin.
But getting to the car and back up the ramp was easier said than done. In the
few hours that we had spent at the racecourse, the arrivals and departures meant
that the car park had turned into a sea of mud. Even with Nathan’s impressive
might, and my best shoulder, we couldn’t get the chair even halfway across the
grass to the car. His wheels skidded and whined, unable to get the purchase to
make it up that last couple of inches. Mine and Nathan’s feet slithered in the
mud, which worked its way up the sides of our shoes.
‘It’s not going to happen/ said Will.
I had refused to listen to him. I couldn’t bear the idea that this was how our
day was going to end.
‘I think we’re going to need some help/ Nathan said. 'I can’t even get the
chair back on to the path. It’s stuck.’
Will let out an audible sigh. He looked about as fed up as I had ever seen him.
‘I could lift you into the front seat, Will, if I tilt it back a little. And then
Louisa and I could see if we could get the chair in afterwards.’
Will’s voice emerged through gritted teeth. ‘I am not ending today with a
fireman’s lift.’
‘Sorry, mate,’ Nathan said. ‘But Lou and I are not going to manage this alone.
Here, Lou, you’re prettier than I am. Go and collar a few extra pairs of arms, will
you?’
Will closed his eyes, set his jaw and I ran towards the stands.
I would not have believed so many people could turn down a cry for help when
it involved a wheelchair stuck in mud, especially as the cry did come from a girl
in a miniskirt and flashing her most endearing smile. I am not usually good with
strangers, but desperation made me fearless. I walked from group to group of
racegoers in the grandstand, asking if they could just spare me a few minutes’
help. They looked at me and my clothes as if I were plotting some kind of trap.
‘It’s for a man in a wheelchair,’ I said. ‘He’s a bit stuck.’
‘We’re just waiting on the next race,’ they said. Or, ‘Sorry.’ Or, ‘It’ll have to
wait till after the two thirty. We have a monkey on this one.’
I even thought about collaring a jockey or two. But as I got close to the
enclosure, I saw that they were even smaller than I was.
By the time I got to the parade ring I was incandescent with suppressed rage. I
suspect I was snarling at people then, not smiling. And there, finally, joy of joys,
were the lads in striped polo shirts. The back of their shirts referred to ‘Marky’s
Last Stand’ and they clutched cans of Pilsner and Tennent’s Extra. Their accents
suggested they were from somewhere in the north-east, and I was pretty sure that
they had not had any significant break from alcohol for the last twenty-four
hours. They cheered as I approached, and I fought the urge to give them the
finger again.
‘Gissa smile, sweetheart. It’s Marky’s stag weekend,’ one slurred, slamming a
ham-sized hand on to my shoulder.
‘It’s Monday.’ I tried not to flinch as I peeled it off.
‘You’re joking. Monday already?’ He reeled backwards. ‘Well, you should
give him a kiss, like.’
‘Actually,’ I said. ‘I’ve come over to ask you for help.’
‘Ah’ll give you any help you need, pet.’ This was accompanied by a lascivious
wink.
His mates swayed gently around him like aquatic plants.
‘No, really. I need you to help my friend. Over in the car park.’
‘Ah’m sorry, ah’m not sure ah’m in any fit state to help youse, pet.’
‘Hey up. Next race is up, Marky. You got money on this? I think I’ve got
money on this.’
They turned back towards the track, already losing interest. I looked over my
shoulder at the car park, seeing the hunched figure of Will, Nathan pulling vainly
at the handles of his chair. I pictured myself returning home to tell Will’s parents
that we had left Will’s super-expensive chair in a car park. And then I saw the
tattoo.
‘He’s a soldier,’ I said, loudly. ‘Ex-soldier.’
One by one they turned round.
‘He was injured. In Iraq. All we wanted to do was get him a nice day out. But
nobody will help us.’ As I spoke the words, I felt my eyes welling up with tears.
‘A vet? You’re kidding us. Where is he?’
‘In the car park. I’ve asked lots of people, but they just don’t want to help.’
It seemed to take a minute or two for them to digest what I’d said. But then
they looked at each other in amazement.
‘C’mon, lads. We’re not having that.’ They swayed after me in a wayward
trail. I could hear them exclaiming between themselves, muttering. ‘Bloody
civvies ... no idea what it’s like ... ’
When we reached them, Nathan was standing by Will, whose head had sunk
deep into the collar of his coat with cold, even as Nathan covered his shoulders
with another blanket.
‘These very nice gentlemen have offered to help us,’ I said.
Nathan was staring at the cans of lager. I had to admit that you’d have had to
look quite hard to see a suit of armour in any of them.
‘Where do youse want to get him to?’ said one.
The others stood around Will, nodding their hellos. One offered him a beer,
apparently unable to grasp that Will could not pick it up.
Nathan motioned to our car. ‘Back in the car, ultimately. But to do that we
need to get him over to the stand, and then reverse the car back to him.’
‘You don’t need to do that,’ said one, clapping Nathan on the back. ‘We can
take him to your car, can’t we, lads?’
There was a chorus of agreement. They began to position themselves around
Will’s chair.
I shifted uncomfortably. ‘I don’t know ... that’s a long way for you to carry
him,’ I ventured. ‘And the chair’s very heavy.’
They were howlingly drunk. Some of them could barely hang on to their cans
of drink. One thrust his can of Tennent’s into my hand.
‘Don’t you worry, pet. Anything for a fellow soldier, isn’t that right, lads?’
‘We wouldn’t leave you there, mate. We never leave a man down, do we?’
I saw Nathan’s face and shook my head furiously at his quizzical expression.
Will seemed unlikely to say anything. He just looked grim, and then, as the men
clustered around his chair, and with a shout, hoisted it up between them, vaguely
alarmed.
‘What regiment, pet?’
I tried to smile, trawling my memory for names. ‘Rifles ... ’ I said. ‘Eleventh
rifles.’
‘I don’t know the eleventh rifles,’ said another.
‘It’s a new regiment,’ I stuttered. ‘Top secret. Based in Iraq.’
Their trainers slid in the mud, and I felt my heart lurch. Will’s chair was
hoisted several inches off the ground, like some kind of sedan. Nathan was
mnning for Will’s bag, unlocking the car ahead of us.
‘Did those boys train over in Catterick?’
‘That’s the one,’ I said, and then changed the subject. ‘So - which one of you
is getting married?’
We had exchanged numbers by the time I finally got rid of Marky and his
mates. They had a whip-round, offering us almost forty pounds towards Will’s
rehabilitation fund, and only stopped insisting when I told them we would be
happiest if they would have a drink on us instead. I had to kiss each and every
one of them. I was nearly dizzy with fumes by the time I had finished. I
continued to wave at them as they disappeared back to the stand, and Nathan
sounded the horn to get me into the car.
They were helpful, weren’t they?’ I said, brightly, as I turned the ignition.
The tall one dropped his entire beer down my right leg,’ said Will. ‘I smell
like a brewery.’
‘I don’t believe this,’ said Nathan, as I finally pulled out towards the main
entrance. 'Look. There’s a whole disabled parking section right there, by the
stand. And it’s all on tarmac.’
Will didn’t say much of anything for the rest of the day. He bid Nathan goodbye
when we dropped him home, and then grew silent as I negotiated the road up to
the castle, which had thinned out now the temperature had dropped again, and
finally I parked up outside the annexe.
I lowered Will’s chair, got him inside, and made him a warm drink. I changed
his shoes and trousers, put the beer-stained ones in the washing machine, and got
the fire going so that he would warm up. I put the television on, and drew the
curtains so that the room grew cosy around us - perhaps cosier for the time spent
out in the cold air. But it was only when I sat in the living room with him,
sipping my tea, that I realized he wasn’t talking - not out of exhaustion, or
because he wanted to watch the television. He just wasn’t talking to me.
‘Is ... something the matter?’ I said, when he failed to respond to my third
comment about the local news.
'You tell me, Clark.’
‘What?’
‘Well, you know everything else there is to know about me. You tell me.’
I stared at him. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, finally. ‘I know today didn’t turn out quite
like I planned. But it was just meant to be a nice outing. I actually thought you’d
enjoy it.’
I didn’t add that he was being determinedly grumpy, that he had no idea what
I had gone through just to get him to try to enjoy himself, that he hadn’t even
tried to have a good time. I didn’t tell him that if he’d let me buy the stupid
badges we might have had a nice lunch and all the other stuff might have been
forgotten.
‘That’s my point.’
‘What?’
‘Oh, you’re no different from the rest of them.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘If you’d bothered to ask me, Clark. If you’d bothered to consult me just once
about this so-called fun outing of ours, I could have told you. I hate horses, and
horse racing. Always have. But you didn’t bother to ask me. You decided what
you thought you’d like me to do, and you went ahead and did it. You did what
everyone else did. You decided for me.’
I swallowed.
‘I didn’t mean to -’
‘But you did.’
He turned his chair away from me and, after a couple more minutes of silence,
I realized I had been dismissed.
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